Sunday, April 5, 2015

Stream of consciousness Sunday...If you don't post a picture...

5 minutes. Go.

*****
It happens every holiday, but particularly Christmas and Easter.

"Santa came!"

"The Easter Bunny came!"

With a picture of the haul.

Piles of gifts not under the tree, but surrounding the tree.

Easter "baskets" overflowing, often with some sort of big thing that doesn't fit in a basket next to it.

I scroll through my news feed and it is picture after picture after picture.

It is rare when I'll post a picture like this. If I do, it's usually because I built a kitchen set by myself and want to share that "Santa" did it without anyone else's help. Or it is a picture of my son with his joy of opening his gifts, not just the gifts themselves.

I don't understand the point of sharing these pictures. The pictures of just the pile of gifts. It is a subtle brag? Is it a straight up brag? Is it trying to keep up with the Jones'? Is it trying to compete with others? Is it just that people truly believe that everyone on Facebook wants to see that these characters arrived at their homes?

I don't know why it bothers me that this has become more and more common. All I know is that every time there is a holiday, I get all philosophical about it...

If I don't post a picture of what the Easter Bunny/Santa brought...did he come?

*****

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. If you want to participate, visit All Things Fadra for the rules. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Live your life with passion



Listen. I am the queen of living life in ruts. I lived in a rut for years after my son was born. I lived life in a rut for about a year after my separation and divorce. I would put on a mask and pretend everything was a-ok, but inside I was fading. Life circumstances made my fade and rut even worse. It was a dark, crappy time.

The last 9 months or so a lot of that has changed. I still get in ruts - in fact, I'm in one today - but I am a hell of a lot more conscious of it all when it happens. I try really hard NOT to take my attitude and pissed off feelings out on people I love - Benjamin, my parents, my boyfriend, my best friend - and I make an effort to just keep to myself if I have to, breathe deep and stay positive.

It's hard work. And a lot of times it literally gives me a headache. I have one now, in fact.

I draw on inspiration from other people who I think are amazing. My son...my gosh that kid is my reason for breathing. The worst mood in the world can be lifted by his voice, his smile, his hugs and his endless proclamations of "I love you SO MUCH, Mommy." My support system - my parents, my boyfriend, my best friend, extended family. Then specific friends in my life who just rock. Some of them being some of the coolest and strongest people that I know.

One of those people is my friend Jen.

About a month (or so...I honestly don't even know) ago, she shared an amazing video on facebook that has changed my life. It has helped me to be more positive. To focus. To actually pursue my goals, my dreams, changes I want to make. I listen to it at least once a day, every single day. It's frigging amazing. And I just wanted to take a second to share it, because omgIcan'teven.




Passion. Drive.

I can. I can. I can.

Where is your passion? Drive? Where is your inspiration?





Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Secrets of Midwives - giveaway

Disclosure: I was provided with one advance copy, and one copy to give away. All opinions are my own. Does not include affiliate links.

When you read 220 pages of a book in one day, and stay up well past 2am to finish it..I would say it is a pretty amazing read.

The Secrets of Midwives by Sally Hepworth is that very book.

I was first drawn to the novel because it is set in Rhode Island, my home state. Yet, as I began to read, I was immersed in the characters, their lives, feelings, emotions and relationships.

Three generations of midwives - Floss, Grace, and Neva - tell their stories and share their secrets. The relationships between the women, their partners, and their pasts are absolutely compelling.

It was a book I could not put down, and I believe you will feel the same!

If you would like to read this amazing book, please enter this giveaway.US residents only, please.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday, February 15, 2015

stream of consciousness Sunday: blog posts I can't write...

So Stream of Consciousness Sunday, hosted by Fadra at All Things Fadra, used to be one of my FAVORITE days of the week to write. 5 minutes and a brain dump. That's it. I loved it. It was passed on to someone else who stopped hosting it, and of course I have basically stopped blogging, so I haven't participated in a very long time. But today, I'm called to the computer.

*****
There are blog posts swirling in my head, that i so badly want to write. But I feel like I can't.

I feel like I can't becaues they are things that are too shameful to admit. Or things that could piss people that may read it off. things that i don't necessarily want people to know. Or things that I am afraid to put out there.

I sometimes wish this blog were anonymous. That you had no idea who I am, so I could write whatever I wanted and not have to worry about people getting mad.

people, that probably don't even read this blog. Or would probably never see it. But the fear of what they may see if I wrote the posts in my head...is crippling.

And it isn't the same if I were to write them in a journal. It isn't the same. Sharing them with myself...I am already doing that. when I am lying in bed, crying, thinking about one particular post, the idea for which bubbled up last night while I read a book into the wee hours of the morning. So writing it out in a journal, it doesn't count.

I hate that this space feels like it is no longer my own. That i can no longer be honest here. Who is reading. Who may flip out on my honest words. Who I may hurt.

I miss writing. But the things I want to write...I can't. And I'm tired of just writing about my yo-yo get healthy journey. That is really nothing but a huge joke at this point.

I just can't write what i want to write about. And I don't know where to go from here...

****

5 minutes and a brain dump. Link up at All Things Fadra.